Linguists Don’t Need Prescriptivists; by Dr. D. Schkrbtov; From Volume CLVIII, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, January 2010 — I was very disturbed and exceedingly disappointed when I first read Afiresay, Iresaf, and Safopireop’s screed “Linguists Need Prescriptivists (and probably Pig Latin, too)”, for a variety of different reasons. The authors, in discussing language games and their importance to the field of linguistics, only mention the English transformative “games” Pig Latin and Opish. (Really, was that the best they could come up with? Even first-years should know something of Cazarny, or Obby Dobby, or Cockney Rhyming Slang!) (Read by Trey Jones.)
Erschienen: 10.10.2014
Dauer: 2:54
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Linguists Need Prescriptivists, and probably Pig Latin, too; by Dr. Illiamway Afiresay, hDPay; Dr. Iamwill Iresaf, DPh; and Dr. Willopiamop Safopireop, PophopDop; From Volume CLVI, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2009 — It has been theorized before that many of the perceived constraints on human language (and thus on any universal grammar of human language) are actually more likely to be constraints on the ways that human languages can change as they are transmitted from one generation to the next. On the other hand, language games, such as Pig Latin, Verlan, or Opish, often require transformations that violate the so-called “rules” of Universal Grammar. (Read by Trey Jones.)
Erschienen: 03.10.2014
Dauer: 3:20
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Don’t Baby That Baby, Baby; by Butch McBastard; From Volume CLXVIII, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, October 2013 — Despite the attempts by those who study the phenomenon to dress it up in jargon (“caretaker speech”), cutesiness (“motherese”), or TLAs (IDS/CDS—“infant-/child-directed speech”), baby talk is still baby talk, and frankly as a linguist I’m insulted that you think I’d fall for that kind of whitewashing of such a despicable practice. That’s right, I said it, baby talk is despicable. (Read by Trey Jones.)
Erschienen: 26.09.2014
Dauer: 2:06
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A Psychosis of the “Framework Psychosis” Framework; by Jonathan van der Meer; From Volume CLXVIII, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2013 — Framework Psychosis, as expertly reified by Dr. Pill, is a very useful window on the world. It provides an explanatory model of the success of the most successful frameworks, of tribalism in linguistics, and of Chomsky’s successful decades-long trivialization of performance in favor of competence. (Read by Jonathan van der Meer and Trey Jones.)
Erschienen: 19.09.2014
Dauer: 4:58
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Linguistic Koans; by Z. En ‘Bud’ Dhist; From Volume CLIII, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2007 — What is the sound of one vocal cord flapping? (Read by Trey Jones.)
Erschienen: 12.09.2014
Dauer: 3:18
The Swiss Data Massage Villa; From Volume CLXVIII, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, September 2013 — Are your data feeling tense? Unable or Reluctant to bend gently to fit the graceful contours of your new theory? Are your N’s too small? Your P’s too big? Decimal point in the wrong place? Is your Chi not square? Is your bell curve not ringing true? (Performed by Jason Wells-Jensen.)
Erschienen: 29.08.2014
Dauer: 1:18
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Where are the Vampire Linguists?; by F. Ang Bangah; From Volume CLVII, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, September 2009 — Though many people have had trouble coming to terms with the truth about vampires since they “came out of the coffin” in the so-called Great Revelation—made possible by the creation of the Japanese synthetic blood substitute—their presence represents a unique and untapped opportunity for historians, linguists, and anthropologists. Non-supernaturals have had much opportunity to learn about vampires and others in the biographic works of Charlaine Harris, which have recently been dramatized in the HBO documentary television series "True Blood". But one aspect of vampires’ existence has been largely ignored; since vampires are effectively immortal, and several are hundreds of years old—and a few thought to be even thousands of years old—the insight and data they can provide offer an unparalleled chance to pierce the mists of time and peer back into (non-vampire) human history. (Read by Trey Jones.)
Erschienen: 22.08.2014
Dauer: 2:51
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Dialect Continuum Language Studies; by Psammeticus Institute; From Volume CLIII, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2007 — Psammeticus Institute—the Language Education branch of linguistics publishing powerhouse Psammeticus Press—allows you to harness the amazing transformative power of dialect continua in your own personal language learning. By attending a Dialect Continuum Language Studies course, you can slowly but surely transform the language you speak into the language you want to speak. (Read by Trey Jones.)
Erschienen: 25.07.2014
Dauer: 4:36
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The Symptoms and Warning Signs of Framework Psychosis; by Dr. Pill, M.D.; From Volume CLV, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2008 — Framework Psychosis, a new and dangerous affliction sweeping through academia like wildfire, is the unhealthy (and unfounded) belief that one’s framework, whatever it may be, is the one true framework. As a public service, I have written up a set of guidelines that will allow concerned individuals to identify those suffering from Framework Psychosis. If you are an academic, I encourage you to post this list in your lounges, labs, lecture halls, and latrines. With your help, we may yet be able to eradicate FP in our lifetime. (Read by Tuuli Mustasydän.)
Erschienen: 18.07.2014
Dauer: 3:23
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Degenerative Grammar—Our Current State of Linguistic Degradation; by D. T. R. O’Rait, D. Bauch, and Wayne N. DeKay; From Volume CLXVI, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2013 — Since the 1950s, linguistics has been wild with excitement over Chomsky’s insights, collectively known as “generative grammar.” As all non-linguists know, however, grammar as speakers encounter it in daily life is actually degenerative. (Read by Peter Carrillo.)
Erschienen: 04.07.2014
Dauer: 4:08
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