An Iñupik Linguistic Fragment (or, the Last Grammarian); by Metalleus; From Lingua Pranca, June 1978. — The following fragment was found in a shoe box at Indiana University. It was translated by Metalleus with the help of a Phi Beta Kappa key. The author is unknown. (Read by Trey Jones.)
Erschienen: 20.02.2011
Dauer: 7:17
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Regular Isomorphisms of Categorization in the Apathetic Informant; by Angus Æ. Balderdash, Esq.; From Volume CXLIX, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, July 2004. — Unfortunately, it is often the case that when working with data sets containing particularly uncommon kinds of data, the number of qualified consultants available to provide native-speaker interpretations of the data is quite low. In such cases, it is often necessary to work with consultants who have one or more sub-optimal characteristics: poor work ethic, lack of attention to detail, weak fashion sense, surly attitude, inclination toward insubordination, poor personal hygiene, difficulty following instructions—the list is all but endless. (Read by Peter iVox.)
Erschienen: 10.02.2011
Dauer: 8:28
They Don’t Have a Word for It; Book Announcement from Psammeticus Press; From Volume CLVII, Number 4 of Speculative Grammarian, December 2009. — With the inexplicable success of pseudo-lexicons such as Howard Rheingold’s 2000 “They Have a Word for It: A Lighthearted Lexicon of Untranslatable Words and Phrases”, C. J. Moore’s 2004 “In Other Words: A Language Lover’s Guide to the Most Intriguing Words Around the World”, and Adam Jacot de Boinod’s 2005 “The Meaning of Tingo: And Other Extraordinary Words from Around the World”, a native speaker of English could get the sinking feeling that English lacks the basic expressiveness needed to convey the most basic human needs and desires. (Read by Trey Jones.)
Erschienen: 10.02.2011
Dauer: 1:42
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The Oxford Comma: A Solution; by Eliza Doolittle; From Volume CL, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, April 2005. — The Oxford Comma has once again raised its nasty little head in linguistic circles, thanks largely to the efforts of one Ms Truss and her book, Eats, Shoots and Leaves. It is time once and for all to put this little beast to rest. (No, not Ms Truss, you moron—the Oxford Comma). (Read by Rachel iVox.)
Erschienen: 20.01.2011
Dauer: 1:53
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Twenty Special Forms of Rhetoric; by Dawn B. Seely; From Volume CXLVII, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, March 1993. — Rhetoric has been a topic of academic interest for, approximately, forever. Below are detailed a number of special types of rhetorical argument, some of which, for example, Proof by Impressiveness, have been observed since the time of Aristotle and before. Others, for example, Proof by Intimidation, have been clearly recognized only within the last century. Some of these, for example, Proof by Loudness, have never been explicitly delineated before. The uses of rhetoric are manifold and many explications of such have been made before, which this paper will not repeat. (Read by Peter iVox, Trey Jones, and Joey Whitford.)
Erschienen: 20.01.2011
Dauer: 5:23
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Ready! Fire! Aim!—A New Approach to Military Combat Using Language Science; by François Achille Bazaine; From Volume CLVIII, Number 3 of Speculative Grammarian, March 2010. — One of the aims of any branch of scientific inquiry is to improve the lives of men. Surely the Science of Language is no different, and just as surely the lives of soldiers are among those most in need of improvement. The French military has had a long and varied history, with its share of both victory and defeat. There is as much if not more to be learned from failure as from success, if only one will take the time to understand. After much reading of the writings of my countryman Jean-François Champollion, I have taken it upon myself to apply the principles of Language Science to the goal of the betterment of the French military. (Read by Trey Jones.)
Erschienen: 10.01.2011
Dauer: 6:41
An Introduction to Linguistics in Haiku Form; by Anonymous; From Volume CLIX, Number 4 of Speculative Grammarian, September 2010. — linguistic theory / hidden representations / to surface structures (Read by Peter iVox.)
Erschienen: 10.01.2011
Dauer: 0:39
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Towards a Perfect Definition of the Term “Sign”; by Louis Capet; From Volume I, Number 3 of Better Words and Morphemes, The Journal of the Linguistic Society of South-Central New Caledonia, May 1991. — Saussure defined the sign as the union of the signifier and the signified. Steinmetz emphasized the importance of the interactional element. Burma-Shave proposed that a sign could only be understood in the context of adjacent signs. Modern linguistics has elaborated the concept of the sign system. (Read by David J. Peterson.)
Erschienen: 20.12.2010
Dauer: 3:29
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French Sues English; by SpecGram Wire Services; From Volume CLIX, Number 2 of Speculative Grammarian, June 2010. — The Académie Française filed a lawsuit today at the European Court of Language Slights in Brussels against the English language, claiming 650 million euros in compensation. The suit against the English language describes “the intentional misappropriation of core elements of French and imitation of its distinctive sound.” The Académie seeks damages and an injunction that, if granted, would prevent English from being spoken until the case has been resolved. (Read by Stephany Dunstan.)
Erschienen: 10.12.2010
Dauer: 3:40
The Linguistics Wars; by Dæriam Landec, Ph.D., l’École de SpecGram, Istanbul; From Volume CLI, Number 1 of Speculative Grammarian, January 2006. — As is widely known—though not exhaustively covered in the linguistic, academic, or mainstream press—an unfortunate series of events that have become widely known as “The Linguistics Wars” unfolded in Montana in the spring of 2005. Over the course of a few days, several devastating attacks were launched between the Montana Morphemic Militia (or M³)—a group that has been variously described as a linguistic-oriented paramilitary organization and a military-oriented paralinguistic organization—and the Montana field office of the First Earth Battalion (or F.E.B.)—a formerly secret but still active unit of the U.S. Army established in the late 1970s to exploit paranormal and other alternative forms of military intervention. (Read by Trey Jones, Joey Whitford, Bill Spruiell, David J. Peterson, Kristin Franco, Colleen Barry, and Brendan “Schnookywookums” O’Toole.)
Erschienen: 15.11.2010
Dauer: 10:50
